The Hatter Squared (dreamsofscarlet) wrote,
The Hatter Squared
dreamsofscarlet

Insomnia...


I really wish that I could launch off into another rant. Not really a rant, just another "laying out of the mind" if you wish. Wow, I back spaced that sentence a four times thinking a spot of dirt on my moniter was a period. Let's play "You Know Youre an Insomniac When..."

No no, thats just silly. What is also silly is the apperent fact that all apstrophes decide to be non-existent when Im typing. They sort of... poof. Like God, but minus the whole logic thing. Though it might be classified as pirate logic, or maybe even movie logic. Not quite sure on that one.

And that most depressing thing is, I dont have WoW on this computer (yes, spoiled american. -_-) and thusly I have reawoken this monster of a computing device. Did you know that the first objects to recieve the title of "computer" where intelligent folk who could do advanced calculations in thier heads? Who can do that these days? Oh, did I just use the word object to describe a person? Oh snap, I broke the number one feminist rule. Please, someone aske me if I really give a shit. No, give a fuck. Fuck is a much better word. More vulgar, a bit more gutteral. Makes me feel all mean on the inside.

And that is one thing that is utterly vile about being a me. Vast periods of utter apathy occur. Moral and emotional apathy usually. Whoops. Yet that is interspersed with varing degrees of accually caring about certain people in my life deeply and loathing the existence of others. Hey, at least Im being honest. Which is a novel idea, btw (<-- acronym love). Why the hell are people so afriad of being honest with each other? If you told half the people in the world what you accually thought of them at any given time... well.. things would be a whole lot simpler. Being totally honest with someone means I could be unafriad to profess a burning desire for someone in one breath, a undying love for another person, and vile hatred for another. What is up with everyone's fear of conflict? Is the whole of this society afraid of pissing someone off?

Yes. Goddamned it yes. As soon as most people even get the slightest whiff of confilct that hurry and try to completely earse all traces of it. You know that youve done it.

Oh and another thing that irks me about our "advanced" society and human race is that no one can take critisim. If you are doing something INSANELY STUPID and I tell you that it is and YOU DO IT ANYWAY and then I sit back and LAUGH at you, yo have noo reason to be mad. You are being, what is referred to in some societies, a dumbass. Get off your high moral horse. No one can fix another person. YOu are lying to yourself if you think otherwise. I dont understand idealists. I dont believe you can change the world if you set out to do it. The only people I believe that truely change the world are who dont set out to do so. They live the way they believe they should, and if it catches on, w00t. *coughreligioncough*.

I dont understand this concept of "one person can make a difference in the world." No you cant, you FUCKING cant. You can change your own miserable excuse of an existence, but you cant save a world. And what if your idea of "saving" (in both a religious and non-religous sense) something or someone is completely against what they believe as a person? What pre-ordained right do you have to do that to somone? Just because you think so? Just becuase your god thinks so? Because a soiceity thinks so? No. All you can do is change your own pathetic life, and hope that someone else around you might want to find what works for himself or herself.

Just remember, you are measely speak of steller material (which people in my physics calsdss cannot graps *facepalm*) on a planet that will most likely be consumed my its sun in less than five billion years, in a galaxy that will collide with andromdea galaxy around that same time and therefore truely whiping out all trace of the genetic mutation that is the human race. Belitting is it not? Good. Stop feeling so damned self important. You dont know everthing, you wont. Being self centered, pissy, bitchy, whiney, materialistic, decietful, idealistic, fantatic.. whatever! really doesnt matter in the long run because it gets in the way of the person you reallly are. I have been shown that over the break. So if Im ever rude to you, Im jsut being honest. And if you cant handle that, then grow up, or dont speak to me. Just stop lying to yourselves, stop hiding. Be what ever version of yourself that you can. Think Platos forms. Humanity is disgusting because of the trait of self deception. I hate it in me, I hate it in everyone I have every met. Edit: (there is only one person I have met that seems to be true to himself. See, evne with my rants there are exception(s). He knows who he is.)It is there, and it disgusts me.

there. You have my true feelings on a lot of things. Ignore it, critise it, pretend you know what you are talking about and diagnose me with some social disorder. I really dont give a shit.

Have fun.


Im going to go stare at the ceiling for the next few hours and then maybe go get drunk enough to accually sleep. OR I might just fall alseep. Or I might take a few nitequil.

I dont know. Its trivial.


But if you think about it, the only times we are truly honest with ourselves is when we dream.

Sweet dreams.
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